ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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