I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
