also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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