How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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