The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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