I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
