Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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