I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
