In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
