I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
