You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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