Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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