omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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