it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
