The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
