The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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