Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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