I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
