Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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