You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
