They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
