Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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