may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize