if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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