i love accidental penises.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
