I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
