are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hippo gnu deer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
