so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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