i already hear my dad disowning me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
