he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
vagina is talking i cant
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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