Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
