And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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