I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize