Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
