I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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