I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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