Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
me + whiskey = a bad person
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
