I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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