i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
