proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
