batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
