She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
