Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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