whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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