I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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