dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
