I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize