Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
