I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
