sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
