Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
