You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
