her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
