I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Randomize
