You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
