don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
