So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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