The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
