I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
