I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is Oprah even human
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
