Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
