Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
