My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I lost the right to judge tonight
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
